I recently spoke with a group of young mothers. As they shared of the responsibilities and demands of parenting young children, I was struck by the exhaustion, stress, and sadness they expressed. They were extremely committed to being “good” mothers and caring for their children but had lost sight of the importance of taking care of one’s self in the process. Some seemed puzzled when I dared to suggest that they should observe regular “girls’ nights out” or lock their bathroom door, light some candles, and indulge in a bubble bath. What would their children do?!
        Self-care is of two-fold importance. In pervious articles we’ve touched on the effect our emotions have on the people around us, especially children. When you experience stress, sadness, anger, etc., your children sense your emotions and often mirror them. It isn’t coincidence when your child acts out on an already crummy day. While it is appropriate and normal to experience a range of emotions, it is equally important to cope with them in healthy ways. This is the second reason why self-care is important: it models and shows your children how to express and cope with difficult emotions and times in healthy ways. Children will do what they see: positive or negative.
        So, what is self-care? Self-care is realizing when you are overwhelmed and need to take a step back to soothe yourself. It is reading a book in the evening after dinner and a long day. It is keeping up with a nutrition and exercise plan and getting enough sleep. It is taking time to meet with close friends without the children around. It is addressing and limiting unnecessary sources of stress in your life. It is joining a league if you are an athlete at heart. It is seeking treatment for addiction or mental illness. It is singing and dancing your heart out. It is taking a moment to count your blessings. It is taking the opportunity to recharge, which enables you to return to caring for others.
        I often recommend creating an individualized self-care plan with the following prompt: When I feel ___________________, I will ____________________________.
For example, “When I feel frustrated, I will exercise to work out my aggression.” Involve the entire family in an activity of Coping ABCs. List the ABCs on a piece of paper and come up with as many self care or coping activities as you can for each letter. This provides an instant menu of self-care options to choose from. Good luck taking time to care for yourself. The better you take care of YOU, the better you can care for your loved ones, and the better they learn to care for themselves.